Being more self-compassionate with yourself when you feel negative emotions

September 2020

When our inner critic talks to us, it is judging us. Often it is done with extreme negative statements that raises negative emotions such as anger, sadness, powerlessness, hopelessness etc. Once we feel these negative emotions, the inner bully continues to judge us for feeling this way.

Imagine someone you love comes to you and says ‘’I failed in my marriage. I am miserable and lonely’’.  Would you belittle her/him? Punish her/him?

Or

Would you listen to what happened and tell them that it is part of being imperfect humans? Would you not state that everyone can fail, make huge mistakes or feel lonely sometimes and sad etc? Will you not recognise their pain and then ask them how you can help them feel better? That is  compassion for others.

Exercise

Now do it for yourself

1. State for yourself: I am feeling now  XXX because XXX happened.
2. State and recognize its implication on you : my body feels like…. I keep thinking…  I have the tendency to want to XXX(behaviour) ….

Ask yourself:

1. What can I say ( I need to hear) to feel better now?
2. What can I do to make me feel better?
3. What can I learn from this?

By asking these questions you will not only comfort yourself and be more compassionate towards yourself; you will also learn what your needs are, what triggers you, your norms and values, who you are or want to be and how you want be treated by others. Furthermore you will learn what helps you ,thus improve your coping abilities.

It is human to be imperfect and to fail .Without it, there is no personal growth. But, to do it, we need to be patient, have forgiveness and compassion towards ourselves.